We can use computers, operate electronics, and drive cars, but starting a conversation with a stranger is beyond our wildest dreams. This is absurd, because starting a conversation is nothing next to driving a car or using a computer. It’s just a skill that can be learned like swimming or riding a bike.

Why are we terrible at starting a conversation with a stranger?

“Don’t talk to strangers.” This was a sound advice when we were a child. But it doesn’t make any sense for grown-ups. If you’re an adult reading this, it’s time that you outgrow the good intentions of your parents and learn how to start a conversation with a stranger. Don’t worry; it’s not a big deal. That’s why it’s called small talk.

We are all raised to ignore strangers. That includes the stranger that you’ve just met. So, he is not going to approach you. It’s your responsibility to make the first move. Don’t let that scare you. Here’s a simple formula by Debra Fine, the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk:

Walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Extend your hand, make eye contact, and smile saying, “Hello. My name is Deb Fine. It’s nice to meet you.”

Congratulations, you’ve just made the first move. Now, it’s time to follow up with small talk. Take the initiative and start the conversation. You can start with a statement related to the situation. Are you in a party, a conference, or in a restaurant? You’ll always find something to comment on, if you pay attention to the situation. You can easily follow up your comment with a question to invite your partner to the conversation. Here’s an example from The Fine Art of Small Talk:

“I was truly touched by the movie. How did you like it?”

The secret of successful small talk is to invite your partner to speak by asking him open ended questions. Make sure that those open ended questions are related to your small conversation. For example, a question like “What did you like about the movie?” gives enough subject to your partner to talk about. On the other hand, a yes-or-no question like “Did you like the movie?” won’t help your partner to get involved in the conversation.

Coming up with enthusiastic statements and open-ended questions can be difficult at the beginning. Don’t let that stop you. Keep practicing and you’ll get better at finding conversation starters. You can also refer to The Fine Art of Small Talk for hundreds of opening statements and questions related to different social situations.

Learn More

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine is a complete guide to start a conversation with a stranger in any social setting. It offers elegant ways to introduce yourself, to start and develop a conversation, and to exit the scene. Debra Fine digs into deeper topics like conversational crimes. These are the habits you better avoid to make your conversation a success.

Debra Fine devotes separate chapters to social situations like networking events, parties, and singles scenes. The Fine Art of Small Talk offers hundreds of conversation starters relevant to different social settings. Use them to start a conversation in any situation and practice small talk so that you can make the most out of each encounter.

Click here to read sample pages, editorial and reader reviews of The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.

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